SKINNY WILL NEVER FEEL AS GOOD AS HAPPY DOES!

So after posting a timehop photo earlier today about how I saw myself looking very skinny two years ago and I had a pang of sadness wishing I still looked like I did, then I was reminded by many friends and family that I wasn’t happy then, not even close and deep down I really wouldn’t want to go back there. not ever.

I NEVER EVER thought I would say that, and Today has given me a huge realisation that I no longer live with Anorexia, I no longer question what food I can and can’t eat, I just eat what I want when I want. & I don’t spend my days in bed because I simply can’t face the world. I don’t have to worry about the scales, or the calories or even the portion size. I no longer consider how it would be easier to just throw up the food i’d eaten to make me feel skinny, I no longer measure my waist or feel my hair falling out on a daily basis!

& I no longer feel alone!

This might not mean much to some people but THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for those who wrote those kind words to me today about how I wasn’t happy then and how different my life is now and i genuinely would not change it for the world! Thank you to those who’ve  never given up on me and thank you to those who did walk away, I did it without you in the end anyway! There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you have a mental illness but christ I wouldn’t have dreamt of speaking about the dreaded illness I was fighting, I was embarrassed, in denial and ashamed to not being able to fight the mental darkness I felt trapped in.

BUT here I am four years later and I cannot even express how amazing I feel writing this, I thought I would live with those thoughts for the rest of my life, and at times I didn’t even want to live anymore because it was hell. Now I will never ever look back, I’ve lost two incredibly important people from my life this year which eventually pulled me through into the clearest state of mind I have ever known. (Thank you angels <3)  I started to take note of the beauty that is in this world and how important it is to cherish everything wonderful big and small that you have in your life.

If you’re fighting through anything right now don’t give up, I know it’s so easy to fall down but you’ll get back up because when you’ve been rock bottom you can only climb to higher places from there.
I may not be a size 6 anymore but I wouldn’t change my current size to be unhappy in a world of hell ever again, I love life without Anorexia and Bulimia and I just want to spread the word that every body is beautiful no one has the right to judge you or make you feel unattractive.

I LOVE YOU ALL

To anyone who’s feeling a bit meh…

Right now there is so much sadness we’re hearing, the loss of celebrities who’ve died young, or the tragic accident that took the life of someone who had some much potential, and the disgusting news of animals being hunted for money and amusement. Among these negative stories that we seem to be hearing far to frequently these days you have to stop and take in your own life and evaluate how lucky you are and how much you probably take for granted.

I truly believe it’s not until you’ve been rock bottom that you appreciate the journey on the way back up, if life was easy, it’d be boring. I feel like the worst moments lately have given me a push to get my determination streak back and work my butt off doing something I love. I took a risk to be at university and what’s the point in just sailing along, there’s too much to lose and I’m too proud to not come out the other side feeling accomplished and ready for the future. It’s taken the darker times for me to realise i’m ready to face my future and realising it’s the time in life where you shouldn’t take for granted who you do have.            If you have a special someone, keep them close and treasure them for accepting you as who you truly are ❤

It’s also important to remember that everyone lives their life differently and you shouldn’t ever go around comparing your life to someone else’s.  It’s not all about getting straight A’s, having an amazing job and earning lots of money. Everyone has their own beliefs as to who they are as a person, and that’s okay. There will always be someone who frowns upon your choice in career, education, relationships, friends and general life decisions that you’ve made. It’s so easy to dwell on the opinions of others but at the end of the day you have one life to live and you’re nobody else but yourself, if that means doing something differently, go for it.

It’s all about finding out who you are and what the best version of you truly is… and that means you’re happy first and foremost.

Today the world is made up of a bunch of social protocols that assume we all have to live a certain way and achieve certain things. But sometimes there’s too much pressure put on people to be someone they don’t want to be and do things they don’t entirely feel happy about. It’s all about taking ‘the right path’ but who dictates which path is the right one? answer: No-one. It’s expected the norm is you’re born, go to primary school, go to high school, go to sixth form, work your arse off and go to university or get a job.

Then you settle down and have a family right?! But when these things don’t work out, and you don’t find yourself settled it’s like you feel guilty for not having the life thats expected. This path works for some people and I think our generation come from families that have proven this but sometimes it’s not for everyone, and thats okay. Not everyone finds further education rewarding and not everyone finds excitement in a 9-5 working day.

I didn’t go straight to university because I honestly didn’t know what I wanted, I was 18 and didn’t feel like I was ready, and that was okay I went to work full time for four years and then got extremely bored of that and chose to finally go to uni at 22. So many people had an opinion (even my dad who told me not to go!) but I rose above it and did it for myself, i’m an adult so what gives someone else the right to dictate my life choices?! In fact I truly believe every negative thing that has happened in a result of my personal choices has been a life lesson rather than a regret.

It seems people who want to step outside the norm and think outside the box with their life don’t always receive positive feedback from other people in society. There is no such thing as an alternative lifestyle… Life is pure and simple whatever you want it to be. Living life on your own terms and creating your own path is the best option for exploring your own versions of success, routine, and your purpose on this planet. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: there’s nothing wrong with living your life exactly how you want to.

If you’re bored of sitting in an office 5 days a week 9 till 5 and you’d rather be outside and seeing the world, go and do it if you can, it will not only open your eyes to the world but it will provide a catalyst to help you change your life to make you happy by discovering exactly what you want from your life.

Never forget that your life is under nobodies influence but your own! Surely the people who’ve had the biggest impacts on the world and created moments in history are those who’ve stepped outside the box and taken their own path.

Sometimes the answer is to take an approach that a younger version of you might have…. so if you want to go and explore somewhere new, do it now before it’s too late, or if you want to go back into education do it, you’re never too old. As a younger version of yourself you probably had fewer worries and burdens so try and remember what you aspired to be and things you wanted to do back when you were more care free. When you find something that makes you happy whether its a hobby, a new place, a new person in your life you will find you smile even when you don’t realise. Personally after a few months in university I felt such a sense of relief and this pushed me to achieve my best and over come so many of my own personal fears.

It’s important that whatever you do is to prove yourself wrong and show you can do what you want to do that makes you happy, it’s incredibly difficult to separate your own thoughts and feelings from those of others around you. I struggle to balance my insecurities when it comes to the opinions and actions of other people. I just remind myself these moments are only temporary and in the long run you’ll prove them wrong if you’re determined enough. ❤

Things i’ve learnt so far in 2015

Happy 6 Month Birthday to my blog! What better way for me to celebrate but get a bit nostalgic over life since the start of 2015. With almost 4000 readers now I need to get back into the blogging game after my quiet few weeks!

2015 has been a crazy whirlwind and even now just turned 24 I still find myself learning new things about myself and general life.

– I found my love for Sushi after a random visit to Yo Sushi! in January and now I don’t think life will ever be the same again, it’s almost close to an addiction now! Probably the reason i’ve put weight on and spent more money on eating out than ever in my life.

– I can easily live without alcohol. So now it’s been over 18 months since I last drank alcohol and I really don’t miss the stuff at all, I’ve learnt to rise above the people who will comment on the fact I don’t drink or think it’s weird. It’s not weird, i’m 24 it’s not that i’ve never drunk and been out to clubs and done stupid things because oh my days i’ve been there and i’ve done that, I just find now i’ve stopped drinking I really don’t miss it and if anything I feel better for it. (as does my bank account)

– Friends from your past don’t forget you, i’ve got two of the most amazing friends who’ve travelled the world, they left before I started uni and It wasn’t until the start of this year that we were reunited, since then i’ve tried to catch up with them as and when I can when I go home. The one thing i’ve learnt is time and distance means nothing at all when it comes to true friendships, I love these girls, especially Vicki my best friend whose been living in Cambodia almost a year now.

– It’s perfectly okay to prioritise your job and career over less important plans, working hard is my passion, In the last six months i’ve constantly pushed myself to achieve more than I ever have. Sometimes this means missing out on other things like social occasions etc, this is okay as long as you still make time for you and whatever you enjoy doing in your down time.

– Life’s short (ironic as it sounds it’s true). Treasure the people around you they wont be here forever, don’t waste too much time on regrets or things that make you unhappy, move on and realise how blessed you are to have the people you do. This also goes for grudges don’t fall out with people you love for petty reasons, tell them you love them as much as you can and never take anyone in your life for granted.

– Being 24 doesn’t mean i’m old, i’m as old as I feel and yeah some days I do feel old when I round younger people but who cares, I’m happy where I am and I’m doing what I want to do!

– Going to bed before midnight isn’t actually that sad, it can infact help my mood for the next day, an extra hour of sleep can be a blessing. I also learnt the older you get the less easier it is to lie in.

– Reading is such a great way to pass time, stuff all this procrastination rubbish, reading is a perfectly good way to spend your time. I’ve found myself finishing books in 24 hours lately, I think for me it’s a great way to switch off from the world, enjoy my downtime and really pass the time that I was using last month stressing over uni work with in a much more enjoyable way.

– I have far too much stuff (especially clothes and shoes). Okay so most girls will probably agree that you can’t ever have too many clothes but now i’m trying to organise my life into boxes ready for moving into my flat I am panicking that I really wont have enough room for it all, let alone room for my books. Queue the whole dilemma of what to get rid of and what I will cling on too no matter what. Nightmare!

– I’m grateful that I grew up when I did, even things like relationships now with younger teens seem so revolved around social media. I’m so lucky to have a mature relationship where we actually speak to each other, enjoy each others company and don’t have to listen to gossip and report our lives to the world. Sorry but privacy is sooo much better.

– Family are everything! There’s been a few things this year that has proved exactly who is there for our family and how close I am to certain members no matter how far apart we are. Unfortunately not all see family the same as you might.

– I’m really not as fit as I used to be. I’m stuck in that whole ‘I really want to lose weight and get fit’ mood and ‘I can’t be bothered I’m happy and I’m too busy’ mood. lets be honest exercise doesn’t get any more fun as you get older in fact I find it a reminder i’m not as youthful that I used to be and maybe it’s time to actually get off my bum… or not. I might just read a book.

– Talking to professionals about their careers and how they got into what they do is actually really interesting! Networking is such a vital element within my life especially at the moment with where I am and where I want to go so there’s no harm in politely having conversations with people you never know where it could lead you.

– Money is a huge issue as you get older. Okay this is probably an obvious one but I wish I could stress more to people that growing up spending money on anything and everything isn’t worth it when it comes to your future and wanting to move out, go on holidays yourself and generally build a life for yourself.

– The moment you love what you do life gets a whole lot better! I love my job, I love my studies and I love my lifestyle right now. Okay so I may be unhappy with my appearance, but there’s not much new there. Besides that I think i’ve come so far in these past 6 months because i’m actually the happiest i’ve been in forever! & I never thought i’d be able to say I enjoy nearly everything in my life as much as I do now. So thank you to everyone whose got me through 2015 so far!

Things guys probably don’t know about girls…

But we wish they did…

• Sometimes when a girl say’s she doesn’t know or can’t make her mind up what she wants it’s usually true…
• Most of us don’t feel happy with how we look leaving the house so don’t point out if we have a spot or a chipped nail.
• Small compliments are usually the best for making a girl smile, usually these moments can lift a girls mood.
• We don’t like being compared to other girls.
• Choosing to spend with time with you ,over friends is a big deal!
• We probably don’t want to hear about the girl you used to see.
• Sometimes saying ‘i’m fine’ means nothing more than that.
• When we are being unusually quiet there’s probably something bothering us.
• Not wearing make-up in front of you is a huge deal as it means we’re comfortable.
• We don’t use PMS as an excuse, it’s horrible and makes us moody.
• The whole bad boy personality doesn’t actually appeal to many girls, knowing you’ve slept with hundreds of girls wont make us fall in love with you.
• Sometimes we want to watch a film that isn’t a rom com.
• Confident speaking girls aren’t necessarily big headed or bitchy, usually the girls who try to be strong have a lot more hidden insecurities.
• Being nice to a guy in a general conversation doesn’t mean we fancy them.
• We love surprises even the little ones.
• A fling or casual relationship isn’t usually what we go for
• We have a good ability to find out things that get hidden from us.
• Sometimes emotions can take over our day and we don’t know why we’re sad.
• Girls want to know where they stand in a relationship.
• When someone remembers something minor you told them it means a lot.
• We don’t like waiting.
• Sometimes we need to be reminded how you feel about us.
• If we laugh at a really bad joke you tell, we like you.
• Not every girl loves babies and wants one right now.
• Eating a meal in front of a guy for a first time can be a huge deal in our minds.
• If we’ve been hurt in the past don’t be surprised if we can’t understand why you’d want us.
• Girls would rather talk about their problems with you (sorry) 😛
• Being whistled at in the street is vile.
• Someone who is intellectual will always be more appealing than a player.
• We will always be the weaker ones when it comes to emotions. Be patient.
• Feeling safe with someone is a life aim.
• Dressing up and wearing make-up doesn’t mean we’re going out to impress people, we’re just usually trying to feel better about ourselves.
• When we say No to something leave it there.
• Walking in heels is harder than it looks.
• Swearing, fighting, drinking and smoking aren’t turn on’s.
• We don’t shave our legs everyday.
• We usually remember things that have been said to us that made us cry in the past, so don’t try to open up old wounds with us, we will never forget being hurt.
• We don’t actually care about money, it’s more about the security of love and protection.
• We like to be introduced to your friends and family as your girlfriend.
• Its in a girls nature to be self conscious, sorry.
• Choose your adjectives carefully when describing our appearance.
• Taking hold of a girls hand when she’s sad will mean more to her than you realise.
• Girls really don’t like cockiness.
• We do daydream about the future.
• Personal pet names are just…. ❤
• Don’t take longer to get ready than we do…
• Don’t tell us we have too many clothes/shoes/bags etc
• If we dislike another girl don’t try and get us to change our minds.
• Crying in front of a guy is a dilemma.
• We love giving advice.
• Don’t lead a girl on, false hope hurts more than being honest.
• Giving a girl your hoodie or jacket to chill in is bliss.
• We don’t like fighting.
• Don’t show off, being your true self will make you more appealing to a girl.
• Don’t mess with our hearts.
• If you’re upset with your girl tell her, don’t leave her guessing.
• We genuinely struggle to accept compliments.

Conversations with your 16 year old self…

Work hard, enjoy the freedom and rise above people who bring you down.

I believe that having regrets is stupid and the past belongs there. However I think if I could go back and give my 16 year-old self some advice I would…

Nearing 24 is scary but so is realising you could have done more to be happy! Between 16 and 21 I probably learnt most of my life lessons, from relationships, friendships, education and money.

Growing apart from friends doesn’t mean you’ve fallen out everyone has their own careers and relationships to focus on. Cherish the time you have with friends at home before you all go on your own journeys and remember just because you don’t see someone 24/7 doesn’t mean they’re not your friend.

Nothing in you life will ever be permanent, embracing life change is a skill that you will learn and accept and in the long run be extremely thankful for.

Make the most of the nights spent drinking cheap wine and sneaking into the clubs in town underage. There’s only so long that you can do this until you develop real hangovers and start to avoid the noisy clubs with the sticky floors. Also don’t always take your camera out with you on nights that you don’t plan on going home from… you’ll break it or never see it again. The nights you do take it out to clubs don’t expect to get photos that make any sense the next day, and remind you how bad your dancing to s club in Reflex actually was.

Also shots of bright colours are always the answer before you leave the pub. Asking the bar tender for a shot of everything often leads to trouble though, so stick to the pink stuff.

There will always be the random old guy in a club and he will attract more female attention than any other poor sod in there no doubt, just don’t get pulled on the dance floor with him cause he probably wont leave you alone…. 

Make the most of the weekends that you have off, working in hospitality for 5 years will teach you never to let another Saturday off be wasted.

Don’t let any boy make you feel uncomfortable especially about your weight and appearance because the majority of them guys get fat or addicted to steroids. Weight is a huge issue in your late teens and it’s crazy how certain life events can alter how you feel and also realise it’s time to ditch the guy who brings you down and get your life back with friends and family while you’re still young! This break up also means you will never eat pizza again, 1 because you become allergic to cheese and 2 after that bleak part of your late teens you come out the other side looking like this…

( I actually had to convince my mum the other day the girl on the left was me! all she could say was ‘oh my god look at your face’)

The nights were you stay up with friends and don’t get sleep for a good 48 hours usually are the best ones, the unplanned trips out and the social gatherings are some of the best nights you’ll experience back home with everyone still there. The first time you think you’re in love, you probably aren’t emotions are weird and so are boys. People will enter and leave your life for many reasons sometimes you wont know why.

Listen more to your parents, they actually do know whats good for you, but keep some things to yourself they don’t need the unnecessary worry, you will always be a child in their eyes.

Holidays with your friends are the best idea ever, the road trips were the best, make the most of the laid back attitudes and the sunshine in Cornwall with your best friends it’s probably the last time you’ll all do it young free and single… 

‘Time Flies’ becomes more than just a cute saying, it really does. After your 21st birthday time just speeds up and you become that person who’s surprised on the 1st of every month. I think one huge thing to take from growing up and moving on with the people in my life is that the friendships that I do nurture will always have a greater effect on my life than whatever I end up doing in my career or however much I’m earning.

Your 20’s are known as your unsettled years and many people now take longer to progress into our chosen careers, relationships and lifestyle choices than our parents and grand-parents did. This isn’t a bad thing, enjoy the time you have to learn things about yourself and the feeling of being care-free won’t last forever so leave the negatives in the past and focus on the life you want 🙂

29 Things every girl learns in her twenties…

1 – It’s perfectly okay to do nothing but watch Friends back to back all day.

2 – Some girls just don’t grow up and it’s best to have a couple of good friends who you can sit and cry with than a bunch of acquaintances who are just curious.

3- Exercise is important, but sleep is just as vital so sometimes the decision to go to the gym requires a nap beforehand…

4- Being naturally skinny doesn’t happen! it requires a lot more effort than people think…

5- You don’t have to see let alone to speak to someone everyday to know that they’re your friend and will be there for you.

6- Only wear MAC on days when you know it’s worth it.

7- One night stands really aren’t that classy anymore…

8- Topshop sizes are ALOT smaller than other high street fashion stores.

9- There’s no such thing as a guy who will be open and emotional on your level…

10- Flats are better than heels 99% of the time.

11- Vodka and Slimline tonic is the lowest calorie beverage.

12- Hangovers can last over 24 hours

13- Over analysing texts can drive you mad

14 – Putting yourself first isn’t as selfish as it sounds.

15- Dating apps are freak magnets

16- An Ex is an Ex for a reason!

17- How to iron, cook and generally be an adult.

18- There’s nothing worse than a waste of make-up day.

19- Sometimes it’s best to forgive someone and move on. (being the bigger person makes you feel better in the long run!)

20- Everyone has a past! Don’t dwell on your’s or anyone else’s too much just focus on your future.

21- It’s so difficult to trust anyone after watching Made In Chelsea

22- Love and Lust are two very different things!

23- The girls in the magazines don’t even look like the girls in magazines.

24- Your mum will probably be your best friend.

25- Sleep is SO important.

26- And if you can’t get 8 hours Coffee is the next best thing!

27- Fake Tan is just a big no no.

28- Social Media can take over your life and it’s time to stop taking every tweet personally.

29- After your 21st you don’t look forward to your birthday….

here’s to 2015

This blog is going to keep me amused for 2015 I hope! As i approach turning 24, i’m finishing my second year of university and continuing to battle the lifestyle issues of most 20-something girls! If it’s not the struggles of keeping in shape and eating healthy, it’s trying to keep in touch with friends who are all over the place now and maintaining good relationships with the family when i’m away from home.

so far my 2015 has felt a lot like this….

The thought of being half way through my degree is terrifying, and at the age of 23 and 6 months I’m continuously stuck in the thoughts of ‘what am I doing with my life’. My degree is in Television and Radio Production and I study and live in Salford, Manchester. On some days I love it and couldn’t imagine not being here and other days I miss home in Cheshire, just seeing countryside and not hearing a siren every 30 seconds… There’s so much pressure on young people to get a career and work hard but sometimes you might not be happy, so what’s the point spending day in day out doing something that makes you absolutely miserable? I worked in hospitality for 5 years full time, and yeah the money was alright but I hated everything else. I think when you get stuck into such a routine like that time passes and you just get used to being fed up of not having much social life! & that’s exactly why I moved to Manchester to do my degree at Media City (not just to spy on famous people honest).

Anyway! i’ve started this blog to get me through the quiet times and share lots of lovely things with people online. I have such a passion for literature so I will share lists of favourite books and current reads! I also want to offer advice and support to anyone suffering with an Eating Disorder or Mental Illness as I have myself recovered from anorexia when I was younger and I have a deep understanding of these issues that many young people face without knowing how to deal with it.

Please feel free to get in touch with me! The blog will be quite light hearted also hopefully 20-something ladies can relate to a lot of my posts! xx