A couple of months ago I decided it was time to decrease my dosage of anti-depressants and start to take back some control of my own. Me being me and wanting to be successful did lots of research before finally cutting fluoxetine out of my days forever. Now when it said disturbed sleep I didn’t think too much but it’s now 5am according to my Fitbit I’ve had a told of 2 hours and 12 minutes sleep over 7 hours. I’m sat with my gorgeous puppy who wasn’t impressed with being woken up trying to figure out how I’m going to get through my day at work without over-doing it on caffeine and decreasing my chances of sleep tonight.
I was put on medication four years ago shortly after I was discharged from the mental health clinic and began to piece my life back together and start a new chapter at university. I was told they were not addictive and coming off them whenever I was ready wouldn’t be too much of an issue…. now that’s where I was gullible and thought that’s lucky as I’d seen people trying to come off forms of anti-depressants in the past and it ain’t pretty.
It took a while for me to be convinced to even go on them but sometimes you need to accept help and be grown up about something before you can even start to get better so that’s what I did. Now they got me through some really tough times especially at university and I dread to think how I would have got through some of the anxiety and ED spells without it.
So why now? Well recently I’ve decided to make some life changes and stop myself getting stuck in the same old routine at the age of just 26. I’ve re-joined a gym after the running took a pause from my foot injury, I’ve started to consider new paths in my career for the future and generally started to be more aware of how well I actually look after myself mentally and physically.
I thought this would be the perfect time to finally come off my meds once and for all….. it’s not pretty. I’m not sleeping, I’m getting headaches everyday, I feel dizzy and my emotions aren’t dealing to well with it either. (For someone who is used to at least 8 hours sleep you can see why).
BUT it’s only been two weeks and it will probably continue for at least the next month but it’s made me realise I’m stronger than I thought I was, I have lots still to experience in life before I settle and just because I lost a few years to my illness it doesn’t mean I’ve lost the chance to travel more, laugh more and appreciate every single day more.